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Let me share a story.
Have you ever felt that crushing disappointment when something you’ve worked so hard for falls apart? Maybe it was a promotion that seemed like a sure thing, only for it to go to someone else. Or perhaps you were let go from a job you’d dedicated years of your life to, leaving you standing at a crossroads, wondering, “What now?”
These moments have a way of shaking our foundations. They force us to confront one of the hardest lessons life has to offer – letting go.
Letting go is never about giving up; it’s about surrendering to the natural flow of life. It’s about releasing our tight grip on expectations and embracing change, even when it comes unexpectedly. But if I am being honest, change is terrifying because it challenges our belief in control. Yet, it’s only when we let go that we make room for growth, fulfillment, and opportunities we never imagined.
Carl Jung once said, “We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate; it oppresses.”
Resisting change only deepens our suffering. Learning to surrender means accepting the unexpected with grace and curiosity, rather than trying to wrestle it into submission. But that’s easier said than done, right?
Control is an Illusion – Mithya
In life, we expend so much energy trying to control what’s beyond our reach. Parents strive to control their children’s futures, believing that if they make the right choices, their kids will always be safe. Professionals meticulously map out career trajectories, confident that hard work alone will guarantee success. But here’s the truth: control is often just an illusion.
Take the example of not getting into the college program or landing the dream job you’d pinned your hopes on. You studied relentlessly, you prepped, and you interviewed – but in the end, the door was closed. It feels personal, like a punch in the gut. You question your worth, your choices, and your future. But the reality is, sometimes, despite our best efforts, things don’t go as planned. And, in those moments, we can either spiral into despair or take a step back, breathe, and recognize that this setback, while painful, might lead us somewhere unexpectedly better.
I’ve watched close friends go through this exact scenario. Years of dedication in a corporate role, climbing the ladder, meeting every KPI, only to be let go during a restructuring. The devastation is real – the loss of identity, the uncertainty about how to pay the bills, the fear of what comes next. But what happens after the initial shock can be transformative. One of these friends, after months of grappling with disappointment, found a new passion in an entirely different field. Being forced to let go of the old dream made room for a new one to flourish.
As Brené Brown, says, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”
Letting go, then, is an act of bravery. It’s a conscious decision to release control and step into the unknown, trusting that even though the outcome isn’t guaranteed, we’ll grow stronger in the process.
Remember that Surrender is Not the Same as Defeat
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned came during a personal period of upheaval. After several years of successfully navigating my career, a new opportunity came up that seemed perfect. I’d done everything right – worked hard, built relationships, proven myself. But the opportunity went to someone else. It felt like the universe had shifted, and suddenly, I was standing on shaky ground.
I fought hard to maintain control, pushing myself to achieve more, to prove my worth. But the more I struggled, the more exhausted I became. That’s when I realized that surrendering wasn’t about giving up or failing; it was about acknowledging that not everything was within my power to control.
Adam Grant, puts it this way: “You can’t control your circumstances. You can control your reaction.”
I had to let go of the bitterness and disappointment. The more I tried to resist the situation, the more it drained me. But when I allowed myself to let go – when I gave myself permission to feel the loss and then release it – something shifted. It didn’t fix the disappointment, but it gave me the space to see new possibilities.
This is where surrender becomes transformative. Surrender opens the door to resilience. By letting go, we learn to adapt and become stronger, not because we’re in control, but because we’re flexible enough to navigate life’s unpredictability.
Letting Go is an Emotional Struggle
Letting go is not just a mental exercise – it’s deeply emotional. It means letting go of expectations, of how we thought things should be. It’s the pain of watching your dreams take a different form than you had envisioned or the grief of losing a relationship or a job that once defined you. But this act of surrender can be incredibly freeing.
Consider the situation of someone starting a new business, excited and optimistic, only to face constant setbacks. At first, you’re filled with enthusiasm, imagining success just around the corner. But as the months go by, customers don’t show up, finances run tight, and you start to feel like you’re failing. That sinking feeling of watching something you care about crumble is gut-wrenching. But in many cases, it’s only after you let go of how you thought things should be that a new path opens up.
I know a couple who opened a café after years of saving and planning. It was their dream, and they poured their hearts into it. But despite their best efforts, business was slow, and they were forced to close after just two years. It was devastating. But after the dust settled, they found new careers, ones that allowed them to leverage the skills they had gained from running the café. In letting go of their original dream, they made space for a new reality – one they hadn’t planned for but ultimately embraced.
Simon Sinek reminds us that “Leadership is not about being in charge. It’s about taking care of those in your charge.”
In many ways, letting go is an act of leadership in our own lives. It’s about acknowledging that sometimes, despite our best efforts, the plan we had in mind isn’t the one we’re meant to follow. And in that acknowledgment, we find new strength, new direction.
Embrace Change to Find New Opportunities
When we let go of control, we also open ourselves to new possibilities. Change, while uncomfortable, often leads us to unexpected opportunities that we might not have considered if we were clinging to our original plans.
Think about the young professional who doesn’t get into their first-choice graduate program. At first, the disappointment is crushing. But instead of giving up, they pivot – applying to a different school, taking a job in a new industry, or starting a venture of their own. Often, that initial setback becomes the catalyst for growth and success that wouldn’t have been possible if the original plan had gone through.
In my own life, I’ve seen this play out time and time again. A close friend of mine had always dreamed of being a restauranteur. But after struggling to find success in the field after several ventures, he reluctantly took a job in real estate. At first, he saw it as a step back – a deviation from his true passion. But over time, he found a new sense of purpose and success in the world of real estate investment and development. He still designs buildings, but now he also oversees entire projects. The path he once resisted became the path that ultimately led him to a more fulfilling career.
Carl Jung observed, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
And often, it’s through these unexpected changes – these moments when we are forced to let go – that we become more aligned with who we truly are and what we are meant to do.
Some Practical No BS Steps for Letting Go
So how do we master the art of letting go? It starts with recognizing that change is inevitable and accepting that life is unpredictable. Here are a few practical steps I’ve found helpful in my own journey and in guiding others through moments of unexpected change:
- Acknowledge the Emotion: Letting go is emotional. Whether it’s fear, sadness, or frustration, allow yourself to feel those emotions without judgment. Emotional resilience begins with emotional honesty and acceptance.
- Focus on What You Can Control: While many things are outside of your control, your response is not. Shift your energy from controlling outcomes to controlling your mindset.
- Trust the Process: Letting go is not about abandoning responsibility. It’s about trusting that by releasing control, new paths will emerge.
- Seek Support: Whether through family, friends, or mentors, don’t go through the process of letting go alone. Shared experiences and perspectives can help ease the journey.
- Celebrate the Small Wins: As you let go of one thing, celebrate the space it creates for something new. Even small victories on this journey should be acknowledged.
Let Go To Move Forward
We will all face unexpected turns in life, both in our personal and professional worlds. But it’s not the change itself that defines us – it’s how we choose to respond. Letting go of control is a courageous act, one that allows us to embrace the uncertainty of life with openness, resilience, and curiosity.
In letting go, we learn to move forward – not because we have everything figured out, but because we trust that life’s unpredictability will lead us to growth and new opportunities. As you navigate your own journey, remember: Let go of control, and let life surprise you.
The moments when you feel like you’ve lost your way may be the moments that push you onto a path more aligned with your true self. Whether it’s the loss of a job, a missed opportunity, or the end of a cherished chapter in your life, letting go isn’t about saying goodbye to your dreams. It’s about making room for new ones to take root.
Remember, life is not a straight line. It’s a series of twists, turns, and detours that often lead us to places we never expected. And in those places, we find ourselves growing, learning, and becoming more than we ever imagined.
Letting go is not the end of the story—it’s the beginning of a new one.
We are all just doing our best ~ Always Assume Positive Intent!
Let me know how I can help.
Adi
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